Vigil, Moment of Death and Bereavement

The Vigil

As death gets closer, those closest to the dying person may sense that s/he is turning a corner.  Family members may observe more signs of the body shutting down such as:

• Sleeping most of the time.
• Mottling of the skin (purplish in discoloration).
• Rattle-sounding breathing.
• Rhythmic periods of not breathing.
• Little or no urine.
• Cool, moist skin
  

The dying person may seem more withdrawn from the outer world and turning inward. During this time, the family members and friends watch, comfort and wait.  Though difficult, it may be important to say to the dying person, “I don’t want you to go. I’ll miss you. But it’s all right, you can go.” It is comforting for the person to be assured of your love and presence at that moment, and also of your well-being after the death occurs.

The Moment of Death

When death is very near, those close to the dying person may be feeling many things at one time.  Feeling suspended in time, hollow, sad or anxious, or a strange blend of anticipation and relief are all common feelings at this time. Allow yourself any range and blend of feelings. Express these feelings freely. You may want to hug your loved one for a final good-bye, or offer some reassurance that you will be all right after the death occurs. Honor the dying person in your own special way.

Bereavement

Grieving is a natural response to loss.  It touches the whole person, just as the dying process does. Body, mind and spirit are affected.  Many people find grieving to be more difficult than expected, and little understood by those around them.  Learn about the grieving process and allow yourself needed physical, emotional and spiritual support.  In grieving, you will discover ways to return to life, while carrying the memory of your loved one with you.  Be kind and patient with yourself. It takes time and effort.

Hope for Bereaved, Inc.: An Umbrella Over Grief Since 1978 is a non-for-profit community organization that is dedicated to providing its programs and services free-of-charge to grieving adults, children and families.  The support groups are tailored for bereaved, widows, widowers, parents, men and surviviors of suicide and murder victim's. 
>View monthly schedule for support groups

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